Two Parts, One Soul: The Journey Toward Integration

By Julia Sahalie

Certified Life Between Lives® Facilitator, Missouri USA

(This article is published in the Michael Newton's Quarterly Journal: Stories of the Afterlife)

When Hal came to me, he had been afflicted with grief from the recent passing of his father as well as a number of close family members and friends. He had been in a deep dive studying consciousness and reality for over a month when he found Michael Newton’s books, which piqued his interest in why we plan this life. He was just over four years sober when we first spoke.

Hal told me that he had looked back on his life before sobriety with disgust and with the passing of his father decided to use it as motivation to become a better person. The journey would eventually lead Hal to the very light within him he had been afraid to show as part of why he is here.

BREAKING OPEN

Loss can often be a point of initiation. It brings us face to face with our inner reality. It turns us inward to face the things we may have been avoiding. When Hal’s brothers died, it was like a slap in the face that gave him the courage to leave his high stress banking job and find one that was not as stressful. He was plagued with negative self-talk and struggled with a sense of unworthiness. This led him to self-destructive behaviors via his addictions to substances and eating. He would lose weight and then gain over 100 pounds and then drop it again. He said his drinking got to “a real bad place.” Eating and drinking was his way to avoid feelings.

EGO PERSONA SPLIT

Hal explained to me this internal conflict inside of him was represented as a part of him that was not him whom he called Stephen. He described how he had morphed into two distinct parts, two different voices internally that would argue with one another. One was combative, Hal the addict, and wanted to do the wrong thing. Stephen was the intellectual and smart one. He would provide the willpower for Hal to lose weight, and Hal would gain it back. Stephen would beat up Hal daily calling him a loser and an addict. Stephen pleaded that he has to stop drinking, that he didn’t want him to die.

One night, drunk, standing outside under the stars, from a place of desperation, Stephen said something he had never said to Hal before. He said, “I love you, Hal.” This unlocked a part of him that allowed him to bond the two of them together and finally get sober.

For 46 years Stephen didn’t deal with feelings. He had largely been a jerk. Hal invited Stephen to join him in his grief after his father passed and sit with the pain. This exercise showed Hal that Stephen definitely had feelings, but that he had just never acknowledged them. Hal decided to try to teach feelings to Stephen. It began with an invitation to sit with his wife and be present for a “feelings” conversation. Stephen shared the story of the night under the stars that had happened four years prior. The next day Hal felt anxious and afraid that he would get in trouble for sharing such an intimate story with his wife. He had never felt worthy of his wife’s love until a series of profound synchronistic events that filled him with the love of the universe and a desire to feel joy and enjoy life more fully.

LIFE AS A SET UP

Many people seek a Life Between Lives session as a way of making meaning out of hardships. Hal came with a desire to understand and resolve the past and why he chose this life.

When Hal regressed to the womb of his mother, while he felt warm, safe and full of love by his mother, he sensed that he had chosen a difficult incarnation. Hal knew this would be a challenging life; his guides agreed but he felt that he could do it and that it was not impossible.

Hal described the incarnation of his soul in this body as feeling different from the past incarnations. This one felt chaotic and weird. The body felt determined and didn’t make anything easy either. He explained that mapping parts of the body was very challenging and there was not a lot of integration between his soul and his body. He said he had only brought 40% of his soul into this incarnation leading to a sense of split but an ongoing connection.

Hal described the body felt very deeply, like the dials were turned up on all of his physical sensations. The soul and brain connection were challenging resulting in the disconnection of his less developed emotional self and his more developed intellectual self. Hal later gave that part of him that was more critical and intellectual the name Stephen when he was 22 years old

THE STEPHEN/HAL SPLIT

Hal’s guide later showed him that the struggle he had in joining the baby in the womb was a creative solution to something he hadn’t faced before. The mapping of the brain early on that should have connected the two parts didn’t happen. The split provided an internal accountability to each other. The normal avenues of connection weren’t available. The Hal side was more developed than the Stephen side which had to play catch up. The intellectual part was supposed to be wired in a way that provided a top down regulation to the emotional part. Not getting those two properly bridged led to a bottom up regulation.

Now the two of them are learning to wire the weakness of the one with the strength of the other. They are becoming integrated as much as they can. The window for full integration closed shortly after birth. The more connections he’s able to make now the more integrated the two of them will be.

Hal went on to explain how his meditation sessions help illuminate where those connections need to be made. When one is identified, they reinforce what the connection should be through constant updating of attributes that they hold true.

The split happened because the difference between the soul and the brain weren’t able to connect with each other. His guide said the soul would have challenges connecting. There was a pivotal moment in Hal’s lifetime that opened the door for that to happen.

UNWORTHINESS AS A SEED FOR ADDICTION

While in the spirit realm many truths and understanding were revealed to him about his addictions in this lifetime. Hal mentioned that the seed of addiction had something to do with his brain like it wasn’t getting enough of the chemicals it needed. The addictions were meant to teach him several lessons. He was asked several times by his guide if he wanted to do it like this but wanted to make sure the curriculum would help him learn the the lessons so well, he wouldn’t have to do it again. The unworthiness that drove the addictions taught him that he cannot do things on his own and that he is supposed to learn self-love. A brain with incredible willpower still could not force himself into sobriety. Hal told me his guide said he had learned these lessons but there was one more important one he still needed to learn.

WAKE UP CALL

Every lifetime has at least one turning point, a wake-up call or what some call an initiation. One of these moments for Hal was the loss of his mother.

One of the questions Hal had was why so many deaths had happened in such a short amount of time. When Hal first entered into the spirit realm he was warmly greeted by his deceased brother Mark. He asked why Mark and David, Hal’s brothers, both passed within two months. Mark responded that it was to learn the lesson. He said the losses were intended to be a hard test of his sobriety, to help in re-evaluate everything. Hal was filled with deep emotion. Mark told him he still had the cigars and could smoke them when he sees him again.

Hal’s mom told him he needed to get back on track. He was at a point where he was content to be free of his drug addictions but had no direction. She knew her death 21 years ago would give him that and told him not to be sorry, that it’s what had to happen. Hal said it wasn’t the original plan, more like a backup plan. His mom knew it was her time and her passing would help facilitate a wake-up call.

Matt, Hal’s best friend, steps in and says they’ll protect each other. They’ve been very close since they were incarnated. They’ve lived a lot of lives together and had a lot of fun lives as well as some hard lives together. They’ve been stronger when it’s been the two of them.

SPIRIT REALM

When Hal began to move into the spirit realm, he felt the presence of beings who were so happy to greet him. Gradually they came into focus into four individuals. He was met individually by what he came to recognize as his mother, brother Mark and two very good friends Kevin and Matt. His guide was on the perimeter waiting until he had converged with each one of them before fully making his presence known.

When the time was right, Hal’s guide who was waiting in the distance enveloped him with love. Occasionally there were these moments of silence where so much more was happening than what was being communicated to me. Hal had questions and they communicated back and forth telepathically, occasionally to let me know what was being communicated. His guide could also be a kind of a smart ass because he wasn’t going to give him all the answers he wanted. (This is often typical of many encounters with spirit guides, they tell them just what they need to know now and often withhold certain information). He tells him to keep doing what he’s been doing, to let people see him, be open, share yourself, keep learning, be patient and that he’s going to finish strong. “People need to see your light,” he told him. His guide reiterated to him after his last past life that he needed to put himself out there, to let people see his light but don’t get too cocky about his sobriety. “Hey, I’ve beaten addiction three time already this life,” he says, his guide laughs.

PAST LIVES OVERVIEW

Rather than Hal’s guide taking him to some special place he began to show him a couple of other lives he’s lived. One was as a really skinny junkie with scabs all over his body in an alley right before he died of drug overdose. The other was a successful businessman who died alone after being a hopeless closet alcoholic. Hal says that he’s numbed himself for three lifetimes running away from his feelings. Now he’s letting himself sit with his pain more.

Hal’s most recent past life was as a man named Ted who lived a very hard-working lonely life. He lost his home and endured many hardships. He lived in abject poverty and raised a son alone. He had spent his entire life merely trying to survive and make it to the next day. His final thoughts upon his death was that in his next life he would put himself out there more.

Hal has learned to hold himself back and struggled with unworthiness and has learned to protect himself. Now he has the green light to publish his life story and share it.

Hal’s guide reminded him of the times when he felt his presence when his hands and chest would tingle, reminding him that he can always reach him in meditation for help but not to expect answers as that was his style.

HIGHWAY EXPERIENCE

There was a profound moment in Hal’s lifetime where he experienced a moment of exquisite bliss and oneness and Hal wanted to know more about what that moment meant. When Hal was driving home after a visit to Mark’s grave to leave the last bit of pain he was holding onto, he came over a hill and with the sun low on the horizon, it illuminated the valley below in sunlight. At that moment he was overcome with a feeling of oneness with everything, as well as the most incredible feelings of love, compassion and grace. He said that love, compassion and grace was directed inward and for the first time in his life, saw the value of himself. The whole experience only lasted for about 90 seconds. Since then, he’s been imbued with feelings of love, grace, and a peace he didn’t know existed.

In the spirit realm, Hal’s guide revealed to him that this experience served two purposes. The first was a reward for all the grief work he had done after his dad died. The second was to remind him of not just the love that he is but that of the universe. This recognition had to happen before the integration between Hal and Stephen was possible. The self-hate and negative self-talk, created a permanent wall between the two of them and from this moment on the highway experience destroyed that wall.

At this point in the revelation, Hal was flooded with gratitude and thanked his guide for everything.

FROM SURVIVING TO LIVING

Hal had learned how to survive. Could he learn how to live? Hal later mentioned how he was planning on going on a cruise next year with his wife and how he wanted to go dancing and feel free to let loose without worrying about what others might think. He wanted to share his book with the world without being plagued with fear about what others would think. He wanted to continue to grow closer with his wife even more and to be able to receive her love more fully. He wanted to have a more working supportive and harmonious relationship with Stephen where they working more collaboratively.

This lifetime was about survival, withdrawing into addiction, questioning his worthiness, hiding his light and learning to put himself out there. He came looking for answers about his soul and came back with a different relationship with himself.

FOLLOW UP

A few days after our session together, I followed up to see how Hal was doing. He said that the insights and revelations don’t seem to stop. He recognized after, that Stephen’s insatiable thirst for knowledge is probably driven by Hal’s life. That he must have decided he wanted a body with a brain that lights up when it learns. Then he told me Stephen had offered to practice getting themselves out there by starting to go to a local game night in town. Most importantly the time with his guide as he puts it: “He was… words fail me. He was awesome but that doesn’t come close to describing him.” ♥